


You Want a Revelation, Some Kind of Resolution

by MazzySE37



Series: Bright Blue Eyes [1]
Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Bucky Angst, Captain America: The Winter Soldier Spoilers, Lost Bucky Barnes, Post-Captain America: The Winter Soldier, Steve Angst, Steve Feels, Winter Soldier Bucky Barnes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-22
Updated: 2014-06-22
Packaged: 2018-02-05 17:21:44
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,139
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1826155
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MazzySE37/pseuds/MazzySE37
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>What happens when Steve Rogers comes face to face with his best friend two weeks after the events of TWS? How far has Bucky come from saving Steve from drowning. Is there a part of him that can be saved? Steve can only hope and keep on trying.</p>
            </blockquote>





	You Want a Revelation, Some Kind of Resolution

**Author's Note:**

> This is a one shot. I'm not ever going to add onto it most likely. It started as a drabble and I pretty much intend on it staying that way. This is the first time I have ever written Steve and Bucky, and I am frankly terrified of them both but I think this turned out pretty well, considering.
> 
> This one shot is in tribute to an amazing friend of mine that writes both of these hurtful assholes beautifully. My lovely Poe. <3

It's too early in the morning. It's too early even for Steve. How early was it? He had no idea. He had been tossing and turning all night. There was a constant aching in his stomach. He had been released from the hospital only a matter of days ago and he was still aching. His body was healing slowly, far more slowly than he felt should be normal. The serum should have healed all of his aches and pains. Though maybe the issue was the fact that the aching was just as much mental as it was physical.

_Bucky saved you. He doesn't remember who you are or who he is. But he saved you. You should be out there looking for him. Not sitting on your ass and complaining about how you're in pain. Think about what he's been through._

His subconscious had been playing cruel tricks on him ever since he'd woken in the hospital. He'd made it clear to Sam that he was going to find his best friend. He didn't care what HYDRA had done to him. If anything, the fact that Bucky had saved him had proven to him that there was still hope for his best friend, his brother.

He had broken out into a cold sweat as his mind was once more ensnared in dark nightmares. He could picture Bucky falling from the train, their hands had been so close and he had almost reached him, only for the other man to let go and plunge into the icy depths below. Before Steve had been convinced that his death was his fault. It was a weight that he had carried with him even into the 21st century. Now knowing that he hadn't actually died but had instead been tortured and turned into an assassin? That guilt had been weighing on him even more.

_I should have known._

_I should have saved him._

_I don't deserve to live for failing him._

Steve rolled over again, grimacing as a sharp pain twinged in his side. His heart began to hammer in his chest and he felt nothing but cold around him. It was freezing. He was trapped. He gasped and fought against his blankets. He awoke with a shout and found himself struggling for air.

It was suddenly too hot and he felt like he was choking on water, he could almost feel it filling his lungs, even though he was safe and sound in his own bed. It wasn't the first time he'd woken to find himself grasping at the sheets after having a nightmare that he was still trapped in the ice. Heavily distressed from his nightmare, Steve lifted both hands and he carded his fingers through his blond hair. The panic and fear was starting to ebb. He knew he was safe. He knew that he was in his nice warm apartment. He hadn't been on ice in over a year now. The nightmares always felt so real.

_Together till the end of the line._

Steve groaned inwardly and he ran his hands down his face.

_You're my friend!_

_You're my mission._

"Goddammit, Bucky." Steve said aloud, his tone was tense.

And that was when he suddenly heard it. A creak in one of the floorboards. He froze and his head lifted, his eyes locked on the door. Steve knew all too well that old buildings made noise. But this was different. This was a noise that was made only when someone stepped on that particular floorboard.

The super soldier eased himself off of his bed as silently as he could, his fingers curled instinctively and he began to creep towards the door, inching forward carefully and watching the living room as it came into view. He didn't see anyone. But that didn't mean that they weren't out there. For the first time, Steve realized that he was woefully vulnerable since he was only wearing a pair of boxers and a thin t-shirt.

Steve continued moving forward, watching and waiting to see if anyone would jump out at him. Nothing seemed to be out of place. It was quiet again. It was far too silent and it made his skin crawl. He let his gaze sweep around the room one last time and he turned to head back to his bedroom when suddenly he turned on his heel and he vaulted over the couch and slammed straight into the intruder.

The world was moving so fast that at first the dark hair didn't stand out. It wasn't until he saw the glinting of metal in the dim light that he realized who it was. Steve had been in the middle of opening his mouth to say something when suddenly Bucky rolled them over and pinned him down against the floor. The super soldier gripped at his best friend's wrist, trying desperately to pry that hand away from his throat.

_You deserve this. You deserve to die because you didn't save him. You had a chance and you blew it. Now he's going to kill you._

"Bucky." He croaked, trying to fight back, even if it was just to save his own life.

But then he realized something very important. Bucky was fighting back because it was instinctive. If he stood down, maybe his friend would be able to put it together that he wasn't trying to hurt him. The super soldier willed every ounce of fight to drain from his body, despite the fact that his brain was screaming at him to fight back, to get him off so that he could breathe.

His body went limp against the hardwood and he dropped his hands from Bucky's wrist, trying to look up at him, to show him that he wasn't going to fight him, just like he had said he wouldn't find him before. His vision was beginning to swim and his lungs felt like they were going to burst. But it didn't matter. He was going to lay there until either he was dead or Bucky let him go. It was going to be one of the two because there was no way in hell that he was going to fight back now. Not when he knew who it was that had broken into the apartment.

"Bucky please."

He could feel those blue eyes on him, even if he couldn’t see his face due to the mask. Steve could feel that hard gaze on him and he wanted to rip the mask away so he could stare him in the face and say it again. He didn't want to die, but he wasn't going to fight back against him. He was never going to fight back against Bucky. He'd told him that he wouldn't fight him because they were best friends. Bucky was his brother. In so many ways, he was so much more. It made his heart ache. It made his heart hurt that Bucky didn't remember him. He didn't remember him beyond the last fight they had had. And yet the man had saved him. That had to mean something, right?

"Don't call me that." The assassin snarled.

Bucky then told him not to call him Bucky. Steve winced visibly, despite himself. Again. This was just a reminder that his friend wasn't the same man he had once been. He was someone else entirely and that hurt so, so badly.

"Fight back." The Winter Soldier snarled angrily.

"No." He said firmly. His instincts were demanding that he fight back, to give into the heated demands.

" _Fight_ me." The grip on his throat tightened.

"I told you I wouldn't fight you before. I won't fight you now." He croaked.

Steve could feel him loosen his grip on his throat, even if it's just barely. He gasped in eagerly, welcoming the sweet tasting air. He could go longer than a normal human could without air, but his lungs had felt like they were going to burst. His gaze had begun to swim and he was pretty sure that it wouldn't have taken much more before he had been rendered unconscious.

But Bucky relented on his grip and he had half the hope that maybe, just maybe, he was getting through to him. And then just as he had been getting used the sensation of breathing, Bucky was clutching tightly at his throat again, his masked covered face twisted into a mask of fury and confused. "Why? Why won't you fight back against me?"

"Because. You're my best friend, Bucky. You're my brother. Remember?" He closed his eyes tightly as he spoke, trying to get the words out as more than a pained whisper, but he couldn't raise his voice due to the lack of air.

Bucky didn't seem to have any recollection at his pleading words. Instead the Winter Soldier tightened his grip even more on his throat.

"Please. Don't make me do this." Steve whispered, tears beginning to prickle at his eyes.

Once again, there was no sympathy to be found in the assassin. Not as his metal fingers curled even more harshly around his throat. He wasn't going to be merciful. He was going to get answers from the soldier one way or another. If that meant playing on his emotions, Steve had every belief that Bucky would do it.

"Who are you?" He demanded hotly, clearly growing more and more frustrated.

That question stung far more than it should have. He had already known that there were no fond memories between them any longer, at least not from Bucky. The only one that remembered their childhoods was Steve. Bucky didn't remember anything, as far as he could tell, more than their last fight. What hurt so badly was knowing that Bucky didn't even know his own name.

"Steve. It's me. Steve." He struggled to get out.

He seemed confused. He couldn't answer straight away because he didn't know what to say to this. Bucky had asked for his name, but apparently it was bringing back some sort of memory, because when he finally spoke again, his grip tightened on his throat again. "No. You're my mission. My target. You're supposed to die."

"No. I’m more than that." Steve suddenly said with a new strength, his eyes were glittering from the tears, but there was a new intensity in his eyes. He wasn't going to keep letting Bucky go down this road of destruction. He was going to save him, even if it ended with one or both of them dead. He didn't care what happened to himself. He didn't matter. What mattered was getting Bucky to realize that whatever lies HYDRA had fed him, they were only just that. They were lies and they couldn't be trusted. Nothing that HYDRA had ever told Bucky was reality. None of it.

Steve looked up at him and he saw the way that Bucky's hand pulled away from his throat. Was he not going to kill him then? There was a blossom of hope that was beginning to bloom in his chest. There was hope. There was hope that just maybe HYDRA hadn't completely destroyed the man inside of the Winter Soldier, that Bucky was still in there somewhere and he was trying to claw his way back out, he was just trapped, trapped beneath decades of programming and pain.

The super soldier laid there beneath the assassin, looking up at him warily. He was hoping that he was remembering things, that he was safe, but he couldn't take it for granted. If he had learned anything, it was that the Winter Soldier was extremely unstable. Bucky was in there. He had seen it in his eyes before, even if the man hadn't realized it himself.

"I knew you."

His heart felt like it was going to explode when Bucky whispered softly to him, saying that he knew him. His gaze softened and he looked up at him. "We were friends. For years. You were always there. You took care of me when a lot of people would have just spat on me and turned away."

"How do I know you?" The assassin demanded, though his tone seemed more uncertain than before.

His gaze tightened for a fraction of a second. "You fell from a train. I couldn’t save you. And HYDRA found you and they turned you into this. You're not a weapon, Bucky. You're a good man. You're my best friend. You're the only family I have left. Please..."

For a brief moment, he thinks that maybe he's done it. Maybe he managed to break through to him. Maybe Bucky is remembering things. He's remembering who he is and he's remembering how much they mean to one another. All of that is dashed when he sees one flash of glinting light off a metal blade.

“No, I’m not.”

**Author's Note:**

> My beta reader FyreRed. She's seriously the most awesome person ever you guys don't even understand. All the love to her. <3


End file.
